A big yes to all of that :). And I wish I felt surprised about what you say in your second paragraph, but right now I think my faith in humanity is a little dented, and it's very easy to believe. I'm sure (I hope, anyway) that many just never think about it in those terms - never pause to consider the impact it might have on gay men - but what really angers me is, when the issues are pointed out to them, they refuse to listen.

I think your last point needs to be repeated over and over. I keep seeing people bringing up the issue of whether authors have responsibility towards those they write about - as if authors are in some way special, and no longer required to think of the feelings of others - which, I believe, is a requirement if you want to consider yourself a good person.