Commitment, Jack/Sky
Sep. 29th, 2006 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anitabuchanTitle: Commitment
Relationship: Jack/Sky
Rating: PG
A/N: Okay, so it's been ages since I posted one of these...I'm sorry! But I now have two more written after this, which should be posted soon (if they're not, nag me or something). Hope you enjoy.
On the streets, nobody did commitment. It wasn’t talked about, wasn’t even thought about. Commitment was for people with money and families and snug little homes, not for people who ran from the police and wondered where their next meal would come from.
That was what had made him and Z special, commitment. Everyone knew they came together. Jack and Z, brother and sister…except, even with Z, Jack had always had a nagging feeling of ‘won’t last’. Z would go off to her something bigger, and Jack would keep doing what he’d always done.
Then, SPD had come along, and he’d started hearing ‘commitment’ a lot more often – normally connected with the words ‘to the team’.
But it wasn’t a lasting commitment either. Sure, while he was here, he’d try his best and work his hardest – but forever? No. Not forever.
Which sometimes depressed him. Z did see SPD as a forever-thing. When Jack left, he’d be leaving her too – but he could live with that. Brothers and sisters grew up and moved apart. They wrote and visited and kept in touch, but after childhood, they didn’t live together.
When Jack looked into his future, he saw himself commitment-free, away from the rules of SPD, and alone. When he tried to imagine himself at 50, or even 30, he just saw blankness. Because he didn’t know what would still be around then. If anything from his current life would still be with him in ten years time.
That was the bit that depressed him. The alone-bit. The feeling that, he would end up old and bitter, with no one to share his life with. No one who remembered him young and fit, no one to share memories with.
At first, when he and Sky had started doing…whatever it was they did, Jack hadn’t thought about commitment. He thought about kissing, rare sex and rarer laughter, and the occasional talk that left him brooding and surprised.
Now, he thought about commitment a little more. He couldn’t tell if Sky expected any. He couldn’t tell anything that went on in Sky’s head. But he thought he might like commitment with Sky. To turn their relationship into something more, something deeper than Jack had ever had before.
And that scared him a little, because it also meant the hurt would be deeper if Sky left. One night-stands were easier to replace than whatever it was Sky was becoming.
*
Jack hated to disturb the peace – Sky relaxed so rarely interrupting it seemed almost sinful – but he had to know. “Sky, he asked, muting the television, “Do you ever think about commitment?”
It was a toss-up as to what Sky would do: stay curled up against Jack and pretend the conversation didn’t bother him, or sit up and start looking for an escape route. To Jack’s relief, he chose the former.
“Why?” he asked.
Knowing Sky wouldn’t answer his question until Jack told him, Jack replied, “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it – what will happen to us in the future, you know?”
Sky made a squirmy movement that might have been a shrug. “Well, I don’t know of any rangers who have carried on past thirty, so we’ll probably have retired from active status by then and be – ”
“No.” Just like Sky to think he meant SPD. Just like Sky to assume they’d both be at SPD then. “I meant with us. The two of us.”
“Oh.” Now Sky tensed up. Jack wrapped his arms around him, preventing movement or attempts to flee. “I don’t know,” said Sky finally. “What do you think?”
Meaning, you tell me so I can agree and avoid sharing any more of what I really feel than I absolutely have to.
Jack sighed, wondering why the expression ‘pulling teeth’ came to mind. “I really want to know what you think.”
“Why?”
“You do know you sound like a three-year-old?”
“Why won’t you just tell me?”
Jack forced down his irritation before it developed into a real argument. “Fine. I was just wondering because lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. I mean, you might want to stay a ranger until you’re thirty, but I sure don’t. Which made me realise…I don’t know what I’m going to do after leaving SPD, but I don’t want to be alone.”
“You want to leave SPD?” Sky asked, sounding so scandalised Jack had to grin.
“Not for a while yet, don’t worry. Not till Grumm’s gone. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in SPD.”
When Sky spoke again, he sounded smaller, quieter. “Why not?”
“All the rules.”
Sky still didn’t look like he understood – but then, this was Sky, who not only liked the rules but had a positive fetish about them.
“I just can’t,” Jack said, trying to explain. “I like being a ranger, I like helping people, but it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
“Oh.”
“But I do…” Jack shifted, irritated with his inability to find the right words, get to the point. “Sky, I’ve never really had a serious relationship before. One night stands, sure, and sex with friends, but never anything where I’ve felt committed to the other person.”
Sky didn’t reply, and Jack wondered why this had to be so difficult. “And, Sky…I like you. Not just as a friend, or as a friend to have sex with, but as something more.”
Jack waited, suddenly tense and nervous, for Sky’s response. He relaxed when Sky replied, “I like you too,” and not even the way he mumbled it into Jack’s chest could disguise the flash of happiness in his voice.
List of 22: #4 Commitment
Relationship: Jack/Sky
Rating: PG
A/N: Okay, so it's been ages since I posted one of these...I'm sorry! But I now have two more written after this, which should be posted soon (if they're not, nag me or something). Hope you enjoy.
On the streets, nobody did commitment. It wasn’t talked about, wasn’t even thought about. Commitment was for people with money and families and snug little homes, not for people who ran from the police and wondered where their next meal would come from.
That was what had made him and Z special, commitment. Everyone knew they came together. Jack and Z, brother and sister…except, even with Z, Jack had always had a nagging feeling of ‘won’t last’. Z would go off to her something bigger, and Jack would keep doing what he’d always done.
Then, SPD had come along, and he’d started hearing ‘commitment’ a lot more often – normally connected with the words ‘to the team’.
But it wasn’t a lasting commitment either. Sure, while he was here, he’d try his best and work his hardest – but forever? No. Not forever.
Which sometimes depressed him. Z did see SPD as a forever-thing. When Jack left, he’d be leaving her too – but he could live with that. Brothers and sisters grew up and moved apart. They wrote and visited and kept in touch, but after childhood, they didn’t live together.
When Jack looked into his future, he saw himself commitment-free, away from the rules of SPD, and alone. When he tried to imagine himself at 50, or even 30, he just saw blankness. Because he didn’t know what would still be around then. If anything from his current life would still be with him in ten years time.
That was the bit that depressed him. The alone-bit. The feeling that, he would end up old and bitter, with no one to share his life with. No one who remembered him young and fit, no one to share memories with.
At first, when he and Sky had started doing…whatever it was they did, Jack hadn’t thought about commitment. He thought about kissing, rare sex and rarer laughter, and the occasional talk that left him brooding and surprised.
Now, he thought about commitment a little more. He couldn’t tell if Sky expected any. He couldn’t tell anything that went on in Sky’s head. But he thought he might like commitment with Sky. To turn their relationship into something more, something deeper than Jack had ever had before.
And that scared him a little, because it also meant the hurt would be deeper if Sky left. One night-stands were easier to replace than whatever it was Sky was becoming.
*
Jack hated to disturb the peace – Sky relaxed so rarely interrupting it seemed almost sinful – but he had to know. “Sky, he asked, muting the television, “Do you ever think about commitment?”
It was a toss-up as to what Sky would do: stay curled up against Jack and pretend the conversation didn’t bother him, or sit up and start looking for an escape route. To Jack’s relief, he chose the former.
“Why?” he asked.
Knowing Sky wouldn’t answer his question until Jack told him, Jack replied, “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it – what will happen to us in the future, you know?”
Sky made a squirmy movement that might have been a shrug. “Well, I don’t know of any rangers who have carried on past thirty, so we’ll probably have retired from active status by then and be – ”
“No.” Just like Sky to think he meant SPD. Just like Sky to assume they’d both be at SPD then. “I meant with us. The two of us.”
“Oh.” Now Sky tensed up. Jack wrapped his arms around him, preventing movement or attempts to flee. “I don’t know,” said Sky finally. “What do you think?”
Meaning, you tell me so I can agree and avoid sharing any more of what I really feel than I absolutely have to.
Jack sighed, wondering why the expression ‘pulling teeth’ came to mind. “I really want to know what you think.”
“Why?”
“You do know you sound like a three-year-old?”
“Why won’t you just tell me?”
Jack forced down his irritation before it developed into a real argument. “Fine. I was just wondering because lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. I mean, you might want to stay a ranger until you’re thirty, but I sure don’t. Which made me realise…I don’t know what I’m going to do after leaving SPD, but I don’t want to be alone.”
“You want to leave SPD?” Sky asked, sounding so scandalised Jack had to grin.
“Not for a while yet, don’t worry. Not till Grumm’s gone. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in SPD.”
When Sky spoke again, he sounded smaller, quieter. “Why not?”
“All the rules.”
Sky still didn’t look like he understood – but then, this was Sky, who not only liked the rules but had a positive fetish about them.
“I just can’t,” Jack said, trying to explain. “I like being a ranger, I like helping people, but it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life.”
“Oh.”
“But I do…” Jack shifted, irritated with his inability to find the right words, get to the point. “Sky, I’ve never really had a serious relationship before. One night stands, sure, and sex with friends, but never anything where I’ve felt committed to the other person.”
Sky didn’t reply, and Jack wondered why this had to be so difficult. “And, Sky…I like you. Not just as a friend, or as a friend to have sex with, but as something more.”
Jack waited, suddenly tense and nervous, for Sky’s response. He relaxed when Sky replied, “I like you too,” and not even the way he mumbled it into Jack’s chest could disguise the flash of happiness in his voice.
List of 22: #4 Commitment
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Date: 2008-04-12 03:14 pm (UTC)